About chaos
… my fluorescent chaos
We’re fascinated by the words – but where we meet is in the silence behind them
– Ram Dass
Wise men speak because they have something to say;
Fools because they have to say something
– Plato
I have found later in life to love the words, sounds, sights that surround us even more each day. The bittersweet moments in our lives, and seemingly innocent betrayals of trust (which we also can inflict on others when we reflect) are a heavy load to carry through the day. If we stop to judge others for being scared, as we never judge ourselves, it can open you up more to feel the warm, colourful fabric of the day, and you can find the beautiful rhythms and poetry to fill each moment. The conversations, talks, quotes, books, music, films, art, images, the vibrant colours and life of nature, the warmth of the sun, the stillness of the night, the refreshing and cleansing feeling of the rain, can leave a deep imprint on my sensibilities, and go some way to fill those bittersweet moments of loss, and find something positive in each day.
My thoughts are often my company and friend in quiet moments at the often lonely end of the day. Reflecting on them and drowning in those thoughts, as they bleed across a page, gives me a view of a day that I don’t get from rushing around. The quiet helps me ease into the words, sights and sounds that leave an imprint on your senses, but have nearly always gone by unnoticed, ignored or misunderstood.
Keeping in mind what you read may not always be the wisest, and our first thoughts are often a reaction and rarely the wisest ones to listen to, here are some observations of my day, and reflection as I look back over the years past. These are some thoughts, ideas and senses after the roller coaster for the day has ended. That momentary collapse into silence that can permeate and enrich our soul if we allow it, and propel you into capturing what you feel into words.
Whether my words need to be heard, or I am just another fool according to Plato is a matter of judgement. To speak with judgement is our own reflection in the gentle pond of our life, and is not wisdom as that lies outside of ourselves. The turbulence is what we create when humility is lost and we are so scared and blinded to be compelled to measure others against our own imperfections. Whatever we may say, there will always be many more questions to every answer, and that our time will end for each of us before we discover that there never was an answer anyway.
So, at the end of most days, and even in between, I will sit back and try to make sense of what happened. Hopefully there is some simple beauty, hope and wonder in the people I met and the world around me that can sustain me. I will try to understand and feel the sense of why we can be so cruel and scared of life, and lose our heart and soul. Try to understand the pain we knowingly inflict or in our weakness inflict on each other. I look for some essence in everything and everyone because that can often be the safest place to understand what is happening. Some ideas flow, but I often fail to comprehend when hindsight and our memory deals a cruel blow, that our arrogance hides our ignorance that wisdom can never run deep enough in our lives. It can all feel a little chaotic, fluorescent, elegant, and wondrous when those moment can creep upon you, and that is often when I reflect and write.
My ever-changing and humble thoughts, words, sights and sounds drive me mad because they do not remain the same. I try to mirror the iridescence of a sunrise that burns an imprint in our retina that does not fade until the sun sets; stumble over words so beautiful they can become incomprehensible when they touch deeply into your soul; feel the elegant chaos buried under the skin of each day; imagine the fluorescent adolescence of our dreams that disappear if we fight them; contemplate the illusion of eternal wisdom; fall for the delusion of seizing power, its deception, its euphoria, only to tragically be taken as its prisoner; feel a life that can be so out of control; search for safety in our lives only to find we are a hostage to the feelings we hold captive; experience the never-ending magic and boundless wonder of the universe embodied in a simple sky burnt leaf which has tried to reach for the heavens; fall for the bittersweet melodies that should throw us into the depths of despair, but seem to just open our heart even more if we only could move out of the shadow and into the light; find ways to become intoxicated by the ticket for the journey we have been given; and discover the imagination we so often bury deep in our soul but never disappears.
There will always be enough pain and suffering that will try to bring us down. It will cause us to plough that pain back into our life each day and can make us retaliate and inflict it on the people we meet. We allow the poison to take hold and fail to recognise the loved ones around us. We will tend to take the easy path, but hopefully we can find enough moments of authenticity, courage, love and passion for others, the world we live in, and let that flow into ourselves.
The theme here is not dark to reflect the pain. It is to allow the words to shine even more brightly, and each colour to leap out even further from each page. The light is never more brilliant than when you can stand in the shadows.
And in between the cracks and unfinished symphony of the day, the deafening disjointed notes of noise, and its bittersweet chaos, there can never be anything more wonderful in life than to reflect on discovering love. Lying in the grass feeling the warm of the sun and watching the rising moon; and imagining the sweet serenade, the gentle kiss, the embrace, passion. But love is a mystery that age and wisdom will never allow you to find until you discover it is what you give and was always yours.
… always be kind and take care of each other … you will find love in what you give … I really don’t think there is any other great secret to having a wonderful life!
In the name of Chaos
The name is a combination of two of my favourite songs from the Arctic Monkeys’ “Fluorescent Adolescent” and Julian Cope’s “An Elegant Chaos”. The lyrics are wonderful and resonate in many ways, but I also think they are amazing words and song titles. I first heard “An Elegant Chaos” after the Teardrop Explodes disbanded and Julian Cope went solo with the album “World Shut Your Mouth”. And in the aftermath of post-punk during the 2000’s, the Arctic Monkeys and Alex Turner became one of my favourites with lyrics that I never tire of.
Arctic Monkeys – “Fluorescent Adolescent” (Official Video)
Julian Cope – “An Elegant Chaos” (AUDIO ONLY)
Flicking through a little book of sex tips
Remember when the boys were all electric?
Now when she’s told she’s gonna get it
I’m guessing that she’d rather just forget it
Clinging till I’m getting sentimental
Said she wasn’t going but she went still
Likes her gentlemen not to be gentle
Was it a Mecca dauber or a betting pencil?…
– “Fluorescent Adolescent” – Arctic MonkeysOh, the boy’s a slag, the best you ever had
The best you ever had is just a memory and those dreams
Weren’t as daft as they seem, aren’t as daft as they seem
My love, when you dream them up
People I see
Just remind me of mooing like a cow on the grass
And that’s not to say
That there’s anything wrong with being a cow anyway
But people are people
With the added advantage of the spoken word
We’re getting on fine
But I feel more of a man when I get with the herd….
– “Elegant Chaos”, Julian CopeThe look in your eyes when you gave this to me
Just put me on my guard
In this elegant chaos I stand to one side
In this elegant chaos I stand to one side
Carrying on the thread of being a fool, love and the Arctic Monkeys, here are some of their lyrics from “Suck It and See”. I do love the lyrical style … and for some strange reason I still have your attention.
Arctic Monkeys – “Suck It And See” (Official Video)
Your love is like a studded leather headlock
Your kiss it could put creases in the rain
You’re rarer than a can of dandelion and burdock
And those other girls are just postmix lemonadeSuck it and see, you never know
Sit next to me before I go
Jigsaw women with horror movie shoes
Be cruel to me, ’cause I’m a fool for youI poured my aching heart into a pop song
I couldn’t get the hang of poetry
That’s not a skirt girl, that’s a sawn off shotgun
And I can only hope, you’ve got it aimed at me…
– “Suck it and See” – Arctic Monkeys
my chaotic philosophy
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